The Most Encouraging Things You Can Say to Kids

In a recent Parents magazine article, Dr. Jaclyn Shlisky offers advice on the best words you can say to your child to keep her spirits up and confidence high.

Here’s an excerpt from the article:

How to Encourage Your Kid to Look on the Bright Side

Point out the silver linings. However bad something may seem, there's always a good aspect or "silver lining" to be found. "Before you get to the good, acknowledge what it is that's making your child feel down and validate their feelings," says Jaclyn Shlisky, a clinical psychologist who works with children in Syosset, NY. She suggests actually digging into the negativity a bit, and try to refrain from saying "that's ok" or "it's ok" as you don't want your child to feel like you're erasing their thoughts and feelings.

If your kindergartener says she misses going to birthday parties, first show her you understand. Say something like:  "I miss taking you to your friend's birthday parties" then offer a coping statement to reframe the conversation. Something like, "Your friend's birthday is next weekend, let's plan what craft we can make her and decorate the car for when we drive by to say hello."

She recommends the pattern of validating feelings, offering positive affirmations, then following up with an activity to boost your child's excitement. "It's important that your little ones have something new to look forward to almost every day," Dr. Shlisky says. "In elementary schools, kids know what's coming up every day—a special assembly, a guest speaker, a birthday party, an after school activity—but now that they're home it feels a lot like Groundhog Day for them," she says. Even if the thing they want to look forward to is just a family walk after dinner, movie night or a board game at lunchtime, make it happen. It will make their day more than you can know.

You can read the full article on the Parents website.