4 Big Emotions to Talk About With Little Kids

In a recent Parents magazine article, Dr. Jaclyn Shlisky discusses four complex emotions all children experience. She helps explain how explain them to your child in a way they’ll understand so they can learn to manage them.

Here’s an excerpt from the article:

Sadness

The feeling of loss, sorrow, or being let down is a major one for your kiddos. Sadness can happen when your child feels scared, or when someone says or does something that feels bad. Sadness can be a feeling you get from missing someone (whether through death or distance) or having to go through something painful (like seeing your parents argue). Sadness can also develop through disappointment, like the early closing of schools due to the coronavirus pandemic or a playdate that can't happen.

Identify the feeling: "When your child is sad they not only feel sad, they think sad and will act sad," says Dr. Shlisky. Tears are the most obvious sign your child is sad but children may manifest sadness in other ways like anger, isolation, and even clinginess.

"By the time they turn 1, infants gain an awareness that parents can help them regulate their emotions. They cry and you come running. As they grow out of the infancy stage, toddlers begin to understand that certain emotions are associated with certain situations," says Dr. Shlisky. The danger of sadness and not understanding its underlying source is that sadness can turn into anger and then result in meltdowns. If every time your child cries you try to appease them, you're just putting a bandage on a situation instead of helping them solve a problem." Children need the tools to be able to say, "I feel sad because..." otherwise they are learning their feelings can be muted and they won't learn how to name the real reasons for their sadness, adds Dr. Shlisky.

Explain the feeling: For example, if your child loses their favorite stuffed animal and is feeling sad, listen to them, in whatever that way is and let them see by your actions that you are there for them if they need extra hugs or snuggles or just need to cry. "You may also normalize their feelings by sharing a story about how you experienced a similar loss when you were their age. Be honest about how sad you were and how you cried. Talk about what helped you with your sad feelings. Parents often try to be strong for their children, to show them that everything will be OK. However, it can actually be beneficial for a child to see adults showing appropriate emotion. It is OK to say, "Daddy is sad, too." Dr. Shlisky recommends demonstrating that feelings are not something they need to try to mask or feel ashamed of.

You can read the full article on the Parents website.